負累

I think I am a burden to my family. 我唔想成為家人的負累。我知我年幾不少了。在這個年齡﹐我應該在這個社會工作。每當人問我幾時畢業﹐“你不是畢業了嗎” ﹖ “你現在讀什麼“﹖等等﹐好像有支針刺進我心。因為我知道我讀書這麼多年﹐我現在應該出來養家。為什麼我現在不是呢﹖有些人覺得我繼續進修是件好事﹐因為我的學歷就會比一伴大學生(Bachelor)高些小。但當他們知道我讀什麼的時候﹐他們就可能覺得不是什麼大不了。有時我會想如果當初我不是選了音樂為我的大學科﹐可能我已找到了一份朝9晚5的工作。但現在我正在讀書﹐而且我以讀了許多年﹐連我都想著我會幾時畢業呢﹖我知道我會大概幾時畢業﹐但感覺很長遠。就算我畢了業﹐可以保証我立刻找到工作嗎﹖我真的會做我讀的這行嗎﹖

雖然我爸媽不出聲﹐他們也沒有催束我快點畢業﹐但我知他們也有擔心。理由上我這麼大了應該已出來工作。就當他們不解意﹐繼續供我讀書﹐養我﹐我都已覺得不可意思和解意﹐因為我不想成為他們的負累。我想為個家出一份力。這麼多的朋友﹐只有我沒有正當工作。 我應該羞愧。

主呀﹐我會幾時畢業﹖我真的會找到一份我滿意的工作嗎﹖我不想成為他們的負擔﹐我幾時先可以真正養到自己﹖養個家﹖我怕當我找到份正當工作我已over 25. 我不知怎算。我不想成為家人的負累。請您開出路給我吧﹗

Danni and Lillian

I wonder how far does hate goes as an extent, and where does forgiveness lie…

Lillian has always been fearful/respectful of Danni, since Danni is older than Lillian for many years of age, and much more mature than Lillian. However, as years go by, Lillian grew less tolerant of the criticisms that Danni always made about her, whether it’s justified or not.

One day, Lillian couldn’t take Danni’s criticisms of her anymore. From then on, when she sees her, she tried to fire back at Danni, and those around them are frustrated of the confrontations that Lillian made to Danni.

It’s understandable in a way that Danni needs to see that her criticisms can hurt Lillian, yet Lillian’s response to Danni was not a way to go either, as Lillian began picking fights and arguments with her whenever she sees Danni. I wonder if hatred or something else really got into Lillian that made her reacted to Danni this way. After all, they have known each other all their lives.

And now, Lillian is trying to avoid Danni at all cost, and trying her best not to speak to her. Lillian is just saying all hurtful things about her, thinking to protect herself from the reality of getting hurt, but little does she realize that she’s actually hurting herself by hurting others around her in the process. She doesn’t have the courage to face reality and to move on.

Will Danni see what she’d done to Lillian has hurt her, and will she feel bad about it?

Is this hatred that made Lillian react the way she is? Or deep down she’s still hurt and afraid?

I wonder when Danni and Lilian are going to make up.

Danni and Lilian are two close people I know. I wonder if I can be their bridge…

Whoever’s right or wrong, I pray that they will forgive, forget, and move on.

Being yourself : )

Train of thought: What’s the point of trying to please others but in the process of losing yourself? I would rather live on my own discipline by trying to live up other’s expectations. Sometimes you just can’t please everyone, but I think the most important thing is that you need to be yourself in front of others, be true to yourself, and be true to others, so you live with no regret and no pressure. Sounds like a strong statement doesn’t it? I just find that sometimes people is trying to be someone who they are not, because they are afraid of rejection after people see their truest, most honest self. I came to live under my mask during my adolescent years, but even in adult lives, we tend to please our parents, our boss, our boyfriend/girlfriends, our professors and others. Of course I’m not saying that if your own viewpoint is not quite right that you still must stand your ground until it cracks and you collapse. However, I believe honesty is the key. Show your feelings whether other people like it or not because you have an opinion, and you respect them.