My webpage is closing

I just checked my e-mail one day and found that free web-host from Geocities is closing. Then I remember I used to build a webpage from Geocities about Final Fantasy 8. (Yes, I liked Final Fantasy 8 few years back) Anyways, it's sad to hear that they no longer provide free webpages, though in my opinion, using cut & paste web creating has been replaced to convenient, option-clicking free blog pages. Being idle from the webpage for 4+ yrs. (Not included once-in-a while visit, I guess it has been a good experience learning the htmls in two of the summers at home. (Those were the *days)Anyways, here's the link to my webpage: Eyes on Me: Mind on You --> http://www.geocities.com/anime_milkyway Visit the webpage before it closes on October 26, 2009.

Innocence

Have you remember that when you were little, you believe in anything that anyone was telling you? Like your older brothers/sisters told you that actually you are not a legitimate daughter of your parents, that you were adopted, and you believed it? Today, I was fooled a few times. Someone said something to me, but I thought it was really true, but afterward they were just joking around. But I really thought what he said was really true. I found out that I'm pretty gullible, but I guess I could also call it innocence.

Going back when we were a little kid, we were innocent and our heart was pure as a stainless white paper. But as time goes on, we realized that the world is not as simple as it seems anymore. Our innocence begins to fade and as we realized that people and the world around us gets more complicated, we became more complicated as well. As a little kid, we would show our surfaced side to others, while as we get older, we tend to hide part of ourselves. The more complications, the less happy that we get. I envy little kids, because their lives are full of laughter. They have little/no worries, and they truly enjoy any fun part of their lives, even just a simple piece of things they can get. I guess because it comes from innocence.

Though at first I thought I was foolish being fooled today, but in another good way, I could also say that I've gained back some innocence in me. But also maybe I've always have that innocence, and I realized that I still it today. And maybe also everyone, even though their lives might be complicated, deep down, they still have some innocence in their heart.

Marriage trend?

Everybody's getting married this year! Have you ever thought that there is same thing happen to different people at the same time? Like everyone's pregnant at the same time? What I mean is I know a lot of people are getting married this year. Of course it is good news, and I'm happy for them.

Since graduation, I have been "resting". Even though I have graduated, but it doesn't seem that way. I guess because I will go back to school in the Fall anyway to continue with my studies. I hope it wont be much difficult than undergrad courses. In the beginning of "vacation", I felt some kind of "emptiness" inside. Not 空虛感, but it's like a huge part of my school life is remove from my life, and waiting for another stage to begin. I guess I needed sometime to adapt to it. But I've been enjoying my freely planned June. Besides staying home with my grandma, I've been joining the college pursuing team with B/S. It's great to DNTG and have Bible Studies about Abraham's life and Galatians, and their connections between each other, and also how they connect to our daily lives. Even though it has just ended today, but I really hope to continue reading the Bible and understands the words of God. : )

Can't believe time flies. July is few days away, and I have to prepare for Summer Day Camp. This year I'll be teaching 4th graders. I hope this year will be even more exciting and memorable. Hopefully I would not slack off, and really get myself together to be prepared.

There are few goals that I really hope to accomplish this summer, I hope I could really achieve them...
1)

Shopping Hazard

Today there was a big sale for one of the most popular brand. Since I was going to the same building to check out something, I have decided to go and see if I could find a small backpack. I've waited patiently in line (Which went pretty fast), took the elevator, got my bag checked in and ready to step into what it looked like a "battlefield" (Just exaggerating). There I saw crowded exciting shoppers fumbled at the bags which laid out on the table , with prices marked off by half. As I became one of those exciting people, my adrenaline began to rise. I wanted to call my friends and people to see if they were interested as well. If not that they might 走雞.

After I have found what I was looking for (Finally, a backpack I wanted), I didn't give up searching for other merchandises. I looked at all the colors, the styles, the marked off prices, my hearts skipped few beats. Like other enthusiastic shoppers, I kept fumbling the bags from different tables and kept thinking of reasons why I should get them. I asked myself, "should I get them?", "should I get them?", but a voice kept repeated back saying. "No, don't get it", "no don't get it". I felt my blood pressure rising.

As a walked back and forth among the crowds of excited shoppers, I stopped to look around, seeing others carrying dozens of bags at once, with different colors and different size, I wondered to myself. "What am I doing?" I looked at my watch. It was way past the time that I had to do something which I'd planned to do, and something important. But I'd bargained my time by giving it to what it was a quick pleasure of "bargain collection" for bags. With courage (Yes, it took a lot of courage), I put down the bags that were hanging all over me, and decided to walk out of the door, walked past the excited shoppers, and leave all the "bargain" behind. I have decided to "clear my mind" and rethink if they are what I need.

You would think I'd regret it afterward. Surprisingly, I felt the opposite. I felt my blood pressure, and my heart's intensity calmed down as I walked down the street. At first, of course, I wasn't too willing to leave all my "bargain" behind, but realizing that I had something more important to do, I left the place, went to the library, and focused on my study.

The story hasn't ended yet. After studying, I wanted to go back to the place again. This time, I wasn't jeopardizing my time in doing other important things for this seemingly "now-or-time" bargaining spree, but I have thought about what I just needed to get, without being greedy. At the end, I got a backpack, which I needed, and something else for others. Most importantly, my heart's at peace. : )

Today I'd learned an important lesson, which is not to bargain our way to short term temptations and satisfactions. I realized that sometimes the things that we buy, might not be the things that we necessary need. I wonder how many of those exciting shoppers who purchased more than five bags would use each bag more than 10 times, before they have their attentions to other brands and sales. Learning how to spend wisely, it's a virtue, and a good habit. I want to set my goal, to only buy the things I need, not the things I don't necessary need, but for temporary pride, pleasures, and satisfaction.

My Birthday : )

I need to thank all my friends and family for giving me a wonderful time on my B-day a week ago. My B-day was on last Sunday, a day which I had enjoyed. : )

I thank God for being with me as I turn 2X. Uh uhm... Anyways, I received a "basket full of Bath and Body products" from my friends, which could last me a few years before I run out of B&BW lotion supplies. Lol! (Just kidding! It's useful and I like it) I also received a cake handmade by my good friend, and also another green tea cake by my family, a new camera from my sis, along with other little meaningful gifts from my good friends. Most of all, I'm content that I have received a lot of warmness and B-day wishes. Thank you all.

After morning church meeting, I went to "lunch" with my friends, who have taken their time to prepared for me, and then at night, I went out to eat with my family at a nearby restaurant.

I'm thankful that I have family and friends that care so much about me. Although I haven't exactly made my b-day wishes yet, but I wish all of them are happy and healthy, and I could live as happy and healthy with the blessings of God everyday. : )

I still haven't update my fun trip on the cruise on Spring Break. I can't wait to share them! In the meantime, I must "add oil" to my finals and papers, as the semester is near.

Let me strive to the end!

My music bio

I'm glad the student recital is over. I'm grateful for my family & friends who came, even though I only played the one and only one piece. Lol. It wasn't the most perfect performance ever, I am glad that I did participate in it, hope I will continue to improve my piano skills. : )

Looking back at my years of music training, I realized that I'd never give up on music. The first memories I remember was when my grandpa taught me to sing Chinese Oldies and Folk Songs before we went to sleep at night. Then I started my first piano lessons, and joined singing choir in school. I even sang karaoke at home with my sister, and the neighbors grew "fond" of our singing Lol. Those were the days in Malaysia.
When I returned to NY, I found myself singing in choir as part of our activities in school. Although my English wasn't up to par, but I knew I really enjoyed singing the songs. I remembered we went on a class trip to another school to perform. After spending three months in elementary school and graduated, I continued my journey with the love of music. For middle school, when we had to pick a class for our own interest, I picked "band", w/o fully understood what really band is. (And I was supposed to be placed in ESL class, but "interestingly" stayed in band class for the rest of my middle school yrs.) I found myself learning the clarinet. Arrogantly, I thought of myself as the "concert master" for the band. Though not getting an award from band class gave me some disappointment, but I never forget the experiences of learning from a passionate band teacher Mr.C.
Instead of going to one of the "specialize H.S" for music and art, I chose another good H.S. and as music major. I had to admit that I did not improve as much in H.S. in music for different reasons, yet I did join the All City Band, and took various of interesting music courses along the way to diversify my music interest, such as guitar class, jazz band, and midi class etc...
When I get to college, music was not my first priority as a major. After two semesters when my GPA plunged to the bottom I found myself auditioned and entered the music program. From then on, I found my grades going up again, LOL. It seems that music classes becomes my advantage to raise my gpas, but at the same time, I really enjoyed the classes and I get to learn more about music again. Until this semester would be my last semester in college, that I am still wonder, should I continue my music education? Or should I get a degree in music education?

Although it seemes that music has been a major part of my education years, I was also going back and forth about pursuing my interest in piano. Believe it or not, since my first lessons in Malay with two different teachers at the same time, I also had five other ones one after another in NY. It seemed that I could never stick with one. Nevertheless, I never grow tired of learning music, and play music. During my spare time, I also sing, and I also accompany with keyboard when B/S sing hymms.

I thank God that He has given me the interest and SOME talent for music to make my life more interesting. Although I can never say I'm great in any instruments or any aspects in music. I guess I'm more interested in various type of music that might prepare me for any future USEFUL PURPOSES. I don't know if I might become a music teacher, an arranger, or even a composer for church's hymms. All I know is that it started out when I learned "Au Bao Xiang Hui" from my grandfather, that has jumpstart my journey for music. I hope that my music knowledge continue to grow, and my passion would never ceased, coming from the One who has give me the "gift".

P.S - Gotta study for my Orchestration Quiz, hope I will remember the materials : P

I had an argument with my sister.

We were arguing (shortly) about who has done more chores and who should be more appreciated for doing them. After that, I was really sad for a while. (Yes, I cried again as always)

After being very sad and being very negative about myself and my behavior for sometime, I poured out my heart to God. I was comforted quickly after all the emotions.

I tried to think back who has been right/wrong about the argument, but I could not arrive at one definite answer. Instead, I thought of someone else.

I thought about my mom. Who's currently away with my father and Vivian at AC. (They stayed overnight at the city and only my sis and I were home)

Right now I think back about it, the argument about getting appreciated for doing the washing dishes, preparing food, or even taking out the garbage is foolish comparing to what our mom has done for us everyday. While I was feeling unfair of just the little things I did, such as washing dishes and clean the table, I imagine how my mom should feel when she has to do these everyday and night while we are busy watching TV or surfing on the internet. Before I felt I wasn't appreciated for what I had done, because I also had to do my papers and study for exams, while my sis was just sitting there in front of the TV and laptop watching and surfing away. I realized how my mother sometimes must have felt when we didn't even say a "thank you" to her when she has done many of these things at home for us.

I'm thankful that I have this experience while my mom's away to understand how much she has done for us. I have taken this for granted that since she stay home most of the time, and since she's a "housewife", and we believe that it's all her responsibilities to do all these things for us. I never realized that sometimes I never appreciate her and even ignore her complaints that we have not done even the slightest part for ourselves.

I remember she always says the same thing to us, that "Wait till I'm away, this house is going to be the messiest..." I would ignore her or even thought in the back of my head that "Don't worry, even when you're away, I can still take good care of it." Now when I think about it, even though we'd done what we're supposed to do when she's only a day away, we already had this argument about who has done more work. (My mom should deserve a good laugh when we see us like this)

Anyways, I hope that after this, I want to try my best to help out at home. Even though I might not have eaten the food, or use the same garbage pail that often, I know that I have to learn to take part helping out at home. I thank God that He has allow this opportunity to let me appreciate more deeply about the my mom's work at home, and what others have done for me. And even though the things I've done for others I may not be appreciated either, but I know for these work I'm glorified in God. And this can train me till when I have a home of my own. LOL.

Unexpected surpise

God has answered my prayer, yay!

15 minutes ago I was covering myself in bed, full of tears, regrets, and sorrows. Now after 15 minutes, I am surprised and amazed. I'm gonna explain why.

By the way, Xin Nian Kuai Le, which means Happy Chinese New Year! : )

School has already started on Monday, but I was still frustrated in changing my program, because for a certain reason I had to drop two of the easy and fun classes that fulfills all my requirements toward graduating. I tried to register for other classes that both fulfills my reqs. and fit for my time, but 99% of the classes are closed, and the system was down. I was pretty frustrated, since some departments do not allow over tally. So I was tired from all the frustrations that I had been in for days. (I had been on and off the system online through day and night for days trying to change to the "best" schedule possible) I knew I had to make peace with God. I knew that before the schedule was the best out of my years of college but I had to change it because of my decision. After feeling like crap from what you can called "crying" and praying to Him, I went online and clicked to register for a class that supposedly had no seat left, expecting a box showing "Sorry, the class is closed" that I had tried for numerous tries of registering. The class amazingly appeared to my registered courses, and I was surprised. Now I have enough credits for this semester, yay! Believe it or not, I'm grateful for this, esp. for God that I've been praying to for so long. Even though I don't have the two fun easy classes anymore, but I will try my best. Leave God for the rest. I hope this semester will turn out well. : )

HOW TO CONQUER THE MANIPULATIVE BOX!!!

Here's one of my resolution beginning this year: NOT TO WATCH TELEVISION!



It might sound extreme, but I'm so tired of being conquered by my 42" TV that seems to be taking over my whole living room space as well as half of my life. So I did some research and some soul-searching into understand why I had been glued to the TV all the time. I listed my reasons and ways to help myself how to get rid of this habit that it might also be helpful for those who have a similar problem as I and wanting to get your way of the "box"...

Here's one of my resolution this year: Not to watch television and how to conquer the manipulative box!

Reasons why I wanted to watch TV:

1. When I come home from school, I am tired. I needed to eat and it's good for me to sit on the couch to watch TV while I eat. It can release my stress.
2. The couch is comfortable. I just lied there and the remotes are handy for me to turn on the TV and change the channel.
3. I want to spend some quality time with my family, usually at night when they are in front of the TV.
4. There are some noises as background to block out the silence.
5. I've always have the habit of watching TV as I grow up.

Tsk, tsk, tsk. Talk about excuses and misconception of needing to watchTV. But it's actually true for me that keeps me continuously forming the habit of TV time.

How many hours do I spend watching TV (Estimate)

During school: 15 hours a week (equal a school week)

Off school: 35 hours a week (equal a work week)

That's about 33 whole days during school days and 76 whole days during off-school days that you've been watching TV in a year! Imagine you can spend all these days doing so many other things besides getting familiar with the names of the titles and synopsis of every movies/sitcoms or knowing the celebrities who were in those shows.

What shows/programs I usually watch:

1. Reruns – Usually sitcoms or Chinese dramas on Chinese channels, and movies
2. Movies (HBO)
3. Sitcoms
4. Chinese dramas or shows

My comments: Reruns are the deadliest. Although you have watched the episode or even the entire movie, but reruns are just another way for you to review the detail-details of the how the story goes. And you wouldn't need that unless you're doing a project on it that involves analyzing a quote or a scene.

What are the bad effects of watching TV:

1. Too much sexual and violent messages
2. Getting lazy and fat from doing chores and other things
3. No benefits but take up my quality time
4. Influence my thoughts to be unrealistic
5. Distracts me to communicate with my friends or families

Although TV seems like a harmless tool that can provides us tons of information. However, the contents from the programs that's been shown to us has manipulates what we are informed with. Most of the shows that are being shown to us either portray the stereotyped stylish, skinny, sexy women or the strong heros with guns or weapons that can always overcome all the obstacles in the end. What about the regular, original, average guy that you know? You can hardly see them on TV.

What thoughts I could think to turn down TV when I'm going to watch it:

1. There are so many other things I can do besides watching TV, like:

a) Draw near to God

b) Help my mom do chores

c) Help my sister with HW

d) Study

e) Practice piano

f) Talk to my friends

g) Planning things ahead

h) Listening to music

i) Cleaning my room

j) Make things for friends and family

i.) The list can be endless...

2. Is this something God wants me to do?
3. STOP! Go to my room now and look at my to-do list
4. Watching TV will waste a lot of my time! (hours)
5. I will regret or feel guilty for using up so much time afterwards when I can do something else better!
6. Time will fly away and will I let it fly away like this?
7. STOP! Take out the trash or do some chores
8. DON’T TOUCH THE REMOTE
9. DON'T CHANGE THE CHANNEL
10. STAY AWAY FROM THE COUCH, go for the chair on the dining table or go to my room
11. Although I want to relax and enjoy, but I know I can find other ways to relax too, such as singing hymns, practice piano, talk to friends, listening to music, lie on the bed etc.

Think outside the "box". If you choose a whole week without watching TV, what are other things can actually do to fill your precious time? Make a list. Remember, time is more precious than money. Once it's past, you cannot reverse it back.

If I want to spend my time with family and most of the time is when they watch TV, what can I do?

1. Turn off the TV when eating dinner. Then there will be more talking than staring at the box.
2. Spend only 5-10 minutes glance at what they are watching. NEVER touch the remote except to turn down the volume or turn off the TV.
3. When watching, do not sit or get comfortable on the couch. Your butt will get stuck there for a long time without realizing it. You can either stand or watching from far way, like on the dining chair.
4. Practice or play the piano. It might seem distracting to people, but it helps to break the focus from your family members. Sometimes when the TV is not on, they prefer the sound of the piano better than the sound of the TV. Take note of that.
5. Keep time of how long you've been watching TV, and remind yourself to STOP. You have something else better to do.
6. If you really want to spend time with my family, besides watching TV with them in the living room, consider sitting on the dining table to read, do homework, or even do crafts. They'll know your presence while you don't have to surrender your quality time to watch TV with them. They might even be interested in what you're doing in return.

I know family is one of the important people in my life. Although they might not realize, but there's nothing more to spend time with them, even just to be in their presence. However, if there's something that holds you back to keep you glue in front of the TV, try to come up with ways around it from being manipulated by the TV instead. You might find your life even more enjoying and satisfying.

Peace and cheers. : )